By Request, the return of cattle buyer jokes

[cowz]

A guy was sitting at a bar visiting with the bartender... "Hey, I heard a good cattle buyer joke out at the sale barn." 
The bartender said, "Well, before you tell it, I want you to know that I used to be a cattle buyer. And those two big guys sitting next to you... They were linebackers on their college football teams and now they're both order buyers. Are you sure you really want to tell a cattle buyer joke?" 

The guy thought for a second and then said, "I guess not... I wouldn't want to have to explain it two or three times."

That was a classic!!!     (clapping) (clapping)

Have you seen this one!?    http://www.cattlerange.com/DUIStop/DUIStop.wmv

 

[AAOK]

Great video.  Everything is available on the internet.  I have a manilla folder which holds the Jokes I've been collecting for the past 30 years. 

 

[garybob]

The buyers here are so behind-the-times, the Rhetorical Personalities depicted in these humorous passages would seem like intelligent, articulate, human beings,  when put side-by-side with one another.

No joke, we've got some real winners.

GaryBob

linebreeding?

?????????????linebreeding?????????????????????????????

 

[AAOK]

Two Cattle Buyers bought a bunch of horses at an auction, paying $100 apiece for the entire set. Then they drove to another auction and sold all their horses for the same price they had initially paid for them. After counting their money, they realized that they ended up with the same amount of money that they had started out with initially. "See!" said one, "I told you we should have bought more horses!"

 

[knabe]

these aren't cattle buyer jokes, but i thought they deserved an airing

that guy could ruin a steel ball with a feather

what do you have after you separate the pepper from the fly s*%t

don't do anything i wouldn't do, but if you do, name it after me

that guy sure could tear up a shotput in a sandpile

 

[cowz]

OK, this isn't a cattle buyer joke, but bears repeating!

Can the level of math education sink any lower?

Teaching Math In 1950:
A logger sold a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
Teaching Math In 1960:
A logger sold a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
Teaching Math In 1970:
A logger sold a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?
Teaching Math In 1980:
A logger sold a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
Teaching Math In 1990:
A logger cut down a beautiful forest, because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? After answering the question, the topic for class participation is: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.)

The Result In 2005:
Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The young woman at the counter took my $2. I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies while looking at the screen on her register.
I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.

 

[cowz]

For the third time that month, the cattle buyer was checking into the motel near his home... 

The night clerk asked, "Trouble with your wife again, Jed?"

"Yeah, and it all started over one of her stupid questions," Jed replied. 

Curious, the clerk said, "What did she ask you?"

Jed said, "She asked me what was on the TV."

Intrigued as to how such an innocent question could start a fight, the clerk probed further, "What did you say?"

Jed answered... "Dust."

 

[knabe]

result 2008

that 20% profit is now taxes to pay for rehab for that crybaby entitlement drag on the economy who does not have to file an income tax return because she, along with her husband are under the federal maximum to receive free health care.  they probably purchased a house with negative equity and we are digging into the cost of production to bail that stupidity out as well.  nothing like rewarding a bad decision with redistribution of wealth and imposing guilt for succeeding.  maybe we need NAIS on these people so we can fill out their tax forms for them faster, give them health care reimbursements at double because no one can figure out the reimbursement maze and also so we can make sure they don't have any guns or too much depression.  perhaps we need remote blood monitoring so we can give them their meds as well as assign a carbon footprint for the kids they will have.  after all, we need to do this faster.  marbles anyone?

 

[red]

Knabe- was that your one for the day? 

Red

 

[cowz]

My world is simple....you don't have a tax return on file?.....No welfare, food stamps, free health care, nada.    No workee, no eatee.

 

[knabe]

Knabe- was that your one for the day? 

Red

yes, already over did it.  curtailing now.  all i can say it was one of my shorter ones.

 

[shorthorns r us]

A rancher and a cattle buyer are involved in an accident on a snowy, cold, Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their trucks are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.  God works in Mysterious ways.  After they crawl out of their trucks, the cattle buyer is yelling about dumb ranchers.  Wow, just look at our trucks! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt.  This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days".  Flattered, the cattle buyer replies, "Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God!  " But you're still at fault...ranchers shouldn't be allowed to drive on the roads.  The rancher continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle.  My truck is completely demolished but this bottle of whiskey didn't break.  Surely God wants us to drink this and celebrate our good fortune."  He hands the bottle to the cattle buyer. The cattle buyer nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the rancher.

The rancher takes the bottle, puts the lid back on and hands it back to the cattle buyer. The cattle buyer asks, "Aren't you having any?"  The rancher replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police."

  ;D    8)  :  (clapping)  (lol)    (clapping)  :    ;D 

 

[cowz]

On a cold, stormy night, an airliner on a Trans-Atlantic flight developed engine problems.  The pilot announced that 3 engines had failed, that the plane was slowly losing altitude, and crashing into the ocean was inevitable.

An attractive woman stood and said to the other passengers, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! No one has ever made me really feel like a woman!  Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman??" 

A cattle buyer stood up in the rear of the plane and replied, "I can make you feel like a woman." 
He slowly removed his shirt and then told her, "Here... Iron this."