High School bullying - NC

[Show Heifer]

Seems like some of the biggest bullys are the teachers and they have the kids terrified to turn them in.

Suggestions on how to stop that?  I would classify that as "bullying" so I am open to suggestions to stop that. I am thinking of a teacher when I was in high school. He was awful. Should have been BANNED from teaching... football players wouldn't take off their helmets, the girls bb team drew straws to see who had to sit in the front bleachers at half time.

So, how should those complaints be handled? How can we make students feel comfortable enough to speak up?

 

[Show Heifer]

Can anyone DEFINE bullying? Specifically what is it? What SHOULD it be?

 

[kanshow]

I really don't know of a good solution to stop teacher bullying.   I also wonder if those teachers are bullys among their own peers & fellow teachers?   I would hope that there would be someone in the school system that kids feel safe turning to.  

I think the kids need to know that bullying will be taken seriously and when someone does turn someone in, there will be NO NAMES mentioned so the student can remain anonymous.  

The situation that we experienced most recently was a 3rd grade teacher who was an extreme bully.  She had my timid little 3rd grade daughter terrified and  going to school was a nightmare. She would cry & make herself sick daily.   The teacher ridiculed the students and made fun of my daughter because she was shy and reserved.  I tried to talk to the woman but got nowhere with her and actually made the situation worse.  I went to the principal and that is how I got results.  

ETA:  for school purposes...  bullying is forcing someone to do something they do not want to do, it can be purposefully making someone feel bad about themselves, there is the obvious taunting & stealing the lunch money, hurting someone, etc..      but the key is that it is ON PURPOSE

 

[knabe]

bullying is like rape.  if someone says stop, stop, and if they don't, i don't have a problem with the person getting bullied to throw the first punch. 

also, it never looks good running to the teacher, so some roughhousing is ok.

i also don't have a problem with a person of authority reaching in and grabbing someone to break up a fight, though that can be risky.  but the minute parents start retolerating teachers showing correct authority without malice, the less discipline problems there will be.  kids today simply have no fear anymore of authority as they know they can just sue etc.  i also think teachers need more authority to move kids to other schools or schools that have more experience with how to help kids rather than police state them.

 

[Davis Shorthorns]

I for one was Bullied all through grade school into midldle school by the same group of people.  I beat the crap out of them on a regular basis and it didn't stop it.  I say if someone is a bully and they get caught they would have to do some community service type activity around the school, clean up bathrooms, kitchen, etc... I think that the only way to stop bullying is to either take something away from them or make their lives horrible for a while. 

 

[justintime]

I got the strap when I was in grade 1.. first kid in our school to receive it in grade 1. Another kid stole some of those big pencils and hid some of them in my desk at recess time, because he did not want to be blamed. The teacher saw them and asked me if i had taken them and I said " NO". She did not believe me so I was marched to the front of the room and given 8 whacks on each hand. I can remember it as if it was yesterday!

Did it destroy me in any way? I don't think so. I am still alive and this may have been one of the best lessons I ever received in my young life. It was a lesson that life is not always fair, and sometimes bad things happen when you did nothing wrong. Maybe other kids would have taken this in other ways, but to me it was a major life lesson.  I also still have a crease in my head where a gentle quiet little substitute teacher whacked me with one of those 3 sided rulers. Totally my fault this time though. She warned me three times to keep quiet and I did not listen, and she came up from behind me and just about took my head off at the ears. I kept quiet after that. If there were school laws and rules then as there are today, she may have been out on parole about now. Again, it hurt at the time, but from that point on, I always had respect for people in authority over me.

I am not saying that teachers should be able to smack kids whenever they want too, but I do think there should be serious consequences  for bad behavior. It sure seemed to work in my generation, and most of us grew up to do well and to respect those around us.

 

[Jill]

I believe that bullying is something that can't be addressed at school! 
IMO the problems we see manifesting themselves stem from the deterioration of the family unit, when you look at the divorce rate and the lack of a stable home for many of the kids in these classrooms it is no wonder we see problems in school, most kids grow up in daycare, many are split between 2 home with 2 different sets of rules and some with no rules because when you only see them 4 days a month that time is precious, kids need boundaries and most of the bullies are kids with low self esteem that are looking for attention in the wrong way. 
When we grew up schools were allowed to give swats to kids, misbehavior was not allowed, and if you got in trouble in school, you were in twice as much trouble at home, I think  parents need to take back the responsibility of raising their children, it shouldn't be up to the school. 
We as a society have totally taken the responsibility off of the individual, we don't discipline our kids at home, we took the right to discipline our kids away from the schools, we put a no child left behind law in place so no one is held accountable and we continue to push them through, we have taken self defense away from our kids, with the no tolerance policy, if you fight back you are the one in trouble.  There needs to be punishment for bad behaviour, I'm not sure who the idiot is that came up with ISS, but I can tell you it isn't a deterent, you will never stop bad behaviour where there is no consequence for that behaviour.
As far as the teacher being the bully, that is what your school board is for, if you can't get anything done on the school level, I would sure go to the board.  We have learned the hard way when there is a serious conflict between student and teacher the best thing you can do is get that student out of that classroom. 

 

[justintime]

I believe that bullying is something that can't be addressed at school! 
IMO the problems we see manifesting themselves stem from the deterioration of the family unit, when you look at the divorce rate and the lack of a stable home for many of the kids in these classrooms it is no wonder we see problems in school, most kids grow up in daycare, many are split between 2 home with 2 different sets of rules and some with no rules because when you only see them 4 days a month that time is precious, kids need boundaries and most of the bullies are kids with low self esteem that are looking for attention in the wrong way. 
When we grew up schools were allowed to give swats to kids, misbehavior was not allowed, and if you got in trouble in school, you were in twice as much trouble at home, I think  parents need to take back the responsibility of raising their children, it shouldn't be up to the school.   
We as a society have totally taken the responsibility off of the individual, we don't discipline our kids at home, we took the right to discipline our kids away from the schools, we put a no child left behind law in place so no one is held accountable and we continue to push them through, we have taken self defense away from our kids, with the no tolerance policy, if you fight back you are the one in trouble.  There needs to be punishment for bad behaviour, I'm not sure who the idiot is that came up with ISS, but I can tell you it isn't a deterent, you will never stop bad behaviour where there is no consequence for that behaviour.
As far as the teacher being the bully, that is what your school board is for, if you can't get anything done on the school level, I would sure go to the board.  We have learned the hard way when there is a serious conflict between student and teacher the best thing you can do is get that student out of that classroom. 

Very well said Jill ... I agree 100%

 

[Show Heifer]

You are 100% right. It SHOULD be dealt with at home, along with respect, sex, money management and how to dress, but IT ISN'T.
So it is left up to the education system to FIX THE PROBLEMS "PARENTS" will not deal with.
I have been a strong advocate that just because you can produce sperm and an egg, and have enough energy to put them together does NOT make someone a parent.

So, now that parents are shirking their responsiblility, how should schools deal with it?

 

[mooch]

You are 100% right. It SHOULD be dealt with at home, along with respect, sex, money management and how to dress, but IT ISN'T.
So it is left up to the education system to FIX THE PROBLEMS "PARENTS" will not deal with.
I have been a strong advocate that just because you can produce sperm and an egg, and have enough energy to put them together does NOT make someone a parent.

So, now that parents are shirking their responsiblility, how should schools deal with it?

No disrespect but they shouldn't deal with it ,they are paid to educate my kids not act as the police dept or allow disruptions that interfere with learning.if educators can't get a student to conform to the mainstream that student needs to be removed from the mainstream for the good of the majority of the  students,too much time is spent on rehabilitating the problems of the schools , to the point where education in this country is suffering as a whole.

 

[knabe]

So, now that parents are shirking their responsiblility, how should schools deal with it?

3 strikes/year and a different school.  there is no reason the school should be responsible for kids who's parents don't care if they don't learn and interfere with other kids ability to learn.

 

[Show Heifer]

No disrespect but they shouldn't deal with it ,they are paid to educate my kids not act as the police dept or allow disruptions that interfere with learning.if educators can't get a student to conform to the mainstream that student needs to be removed from the mainstream for the good of the majority of the  students,too much time is spent on rehabilitating the problems of the schools , to the point where education in this country is suffering as a whole.
[/quote]

Again I completely agree, but, it is ILLEGAL to remove a child and deny them an education until they are 18 (sometimes 21).  If they are a special education student, or a student with an IEP, that makes it even more difficult to discipline and/or remove a child from the class or school.
So again, we are stuck with them, like it or not. HOW CAN WE DEAL WITH IT?

(By the way, I suggested the lonely room with nothing but homework and no contact, and that has been deemed "cruel and unusual punishment" by the nations education system, so that is not an option (even though it seemed to have been effective).  We also can not make them wear special clothing (some had suggested an orange jump suit, or striped jumpsuit) and that is deemed "humiliation" and not acceptable, as is doing community service around the school.
Any other ideas?

 

[GoWyo]

The physical violence or threat of physical violence can be dealt with by filing assault/battery charges with local law enforcement.  A visit with the police can make the ones with a prayer straighten up.  The total knuckleheads may have to proceed through the judicial system.

The mental abuse seems to be what has more often lead to suicide attempts.  That is much harder to deal with and probably ultimately more damaging than assault and battery.  The "sticks and stones" saying doesn't work all the time.

 

[Telos]

I think the parents of these bullyers need a good spanking.

 

[DLD]

I've read about schools using a big brother/ big sister/ mentor kind of a program where younger kids are paired with older ones that got some really good results. Reducing bullying problems wasn't one of the primary reasons for doing it (more like tutoring), but it turned out to be an added benefit.  The older kids involved have to want to (in this case it was for a grade), but I can see where it could be a big benefit for all.

Another thing to consider is to try to get the kids that are being bullied involved in activities/organizations like FFA, 4H, or whatever.  Being a part of a group makes them a less desirable target, but more importantly it can help them to gain confidence and learn better ways to deal with these issues.

Lot's of good discussion above - especially this one 

I think the parents of these bullyers need a good spanking.

 

[jackpotcattle]

I have only read the first page, so this might have already been said, but I think alot of the bullying is because parents have left it up to the school to raise their childern. And it seems as though society has come to think that it is our school systems fault because these little pricks have no respect. I also think the word abuse is overused, if i was acting up my dad whooped me, did I deserve it..yes...did it hurt....yes....did it change my behavior....without a doubt!!! There are some kids this works with (hard headed ones like me) and others who can be straightened out verbally, but I think this all goes back to parents not doing there job. JMO

 

[knabe]

(By the way, I suggested the lonely room with nothing but homework and no contact, and that has been deemed "cruel and unusual punishment" by the nations education system, so that is not an option (even though it seemed to have been effective).  We also can not make them wear special clothing (some had suggested an orange jump suit, or striped jumpsuit) and that is deemed "humiliation" and not acceptable, as is doing community service around the school.
Any other ideas?

this is a form of bullying, ie not letting people deal with the problem.  the people who impose those laws are the real bullies.

 

[herefordfootball]

I have only read the first page, so this might have already been said, but I think alot of the bullying is because parents have left it up to the school to raise their childern. And it seems as though society has come to think that it is our school systems fault because these little *****s have no respect. I also think the word abuse is overused, if i was acting up my dad whooped me, did I deserve it..yes...did it hurt....yes....did it change my behavior....without a doubt!!! There are some kids this works with (hard headed ones like me) and others who can be straightened out verbally, but I think this all goes back to parents not doing there job. JMO

When we were little we got spanked for misbehaving, but when we got if  a hand was raised against my brother or I we raised one back, its not as an affective punishment as you'd think. My parents would punish us with no tv and no hanging out with friends, and that hurt way more than a whooping.

 

[HAFarm]

A different way of thinking about this:

Teach all students/childeren how to deal with bullying.  As adults we are bullied in the work place and other places we visit.  We as adults usually don't think about it too much because we have learned how to deal with a bully.  That doesn't usually mean violence, less finding new jobs often.  Most socially functional adults know how to deal with it, teaching our students/children how should be an option to consider while also dealing with the bully.

 

[blackcows]

A different way of thinking about this:

Teach all students/childeren how to deal with bullying.  As adults we are bullied in the work place and other places we visit.  We as adults usually don't think about it too much because we have learned how to deal with a bully.  That doesn't usually mean violence, less finding new jobs often.  Most socially functional adults know how to deal with it, teaching our students/children how should be an option to consider while also dealing with the bully.

+1....kids are so damn soft anymore.  Somebody makes fun of someone elses hair and the school board is called in to discuss it.  I have three kids, one of which is a Special Needs son that is 8 years olds and functions at about 12 months so I certainly understand "different" but kids make fun of other kids, adults make fun of other adults....it's not a big deal.  Yes some serious bullying goes on in some cases and it needs to be addressed but teach kids to have some thick skin becuase in the real work no one cares about feelings.