Things my mother taught me!!! (funny for the day)

[Doc]

My Mother Taught ME...



 
1.  My mother taught me TO  APPRECIATE A  JOB WELL DONE . 
"If you're going to kill each other, do  it outside.. I just finished cleaning." 

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 
"You better pray that will come out of the  carpet."

3.  My  mother taught me about TIME  TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm  going to knock  you into the middle of next  week!"

4. My  mother taught me LOGIC.
"  Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC . 
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not  going  to the store with me." 

6. My  mother  taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean  underwear, in case you're in an  accident."

7. My  mother taught me IRONY. 
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry  about."

8.  My  mother taught me about the  science of  OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your  supper."

9. My mother taught  me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at  that dirt on  the back of your  neck!"

10. My  mother taught me about STAMINA  . 
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 

11.  My mother taught me about  WEATHER.
"This room of  yours looks as if a tornado went  through  it."

12.  My mother  taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you  once, I've  told you a million times. Don't  exaggerate!"

13. My  mother taught me the CIRCLE OF  LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and  I can take  you out.." 

14. My mother  taught  me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting  like your father!"

15. My  mother  taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of  less fortunate children in this world who  don't have wonderful parents  like you do."

16. My mother  taught  me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get  home."

17. My mother taught  me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get  it when you  get home!" 

18. My mother  taught  me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing  your eyes, they are going to get stuck  that way."

19. My  mother taught me ESP.
"Put  your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are  cold?"

20.  My  mother taught me  HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your  toes, don't  come running to  me."

21. My  mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT  .
"If you don't  eat your  vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My  mother taught me GENETICS. 
"You're just like your  father."

23. My  mother taught me about my  ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you.  Do you think  you were born in a  barn?"

24. My  mother taught me WISDOM. 
"When you get to be my  age, you'll understand."

And my  favorite: 
25.  My mother taught me about  JUSTICE  .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn  out  just like you !"

 

[Freddy]

I've heard quite a few of those from my mother an Aunt's ,I really think if we had more mothers like that our country would not be in the
shape we are.  They didn't break our spirit , they made us think ..........

 

[ba]

Very fitting for Graduation Day <beer>

 

[herefordfootball]

Great little bit Doc. Made me  (lol) . Thanks

 

[aj]

My mother told me that "nothing good happens after midnight".

 

[justintime]

Something my mother taught me was " if it has tits or tires it is going to cause you problems". My mother was a smart lady!