Unfortunately......the resurgence of CATTLE BUYER JOKES

[cowz]

<cowboy>

The years had passed by and it was time for the cattle buyer to send his son off to college.  He told the boy, "Son, you can take the old blue pickup.  Its not fancy, but its dependable.  And take ol' Jake... That crazy dog will keep you company.  He's always in my way and follows me everywhere I go, even when I go to town."
His son took to college life like a duck to water.  Within 45 days, he had partied away all the money that was supposed to last the whole semester.  In a bind, the boy called his cattle buyer... "Dad, you won't believe this.  One of my professors says Jake is so smart that he can teach him to talk.  But it will cost $1,000.00 for his time.

Being as astute businessman, the cattle buyer quickly grasped the fact that a dog that could talk would be worth $millions.  "Son, I'll send you a check today."

After another month and a lot of partying, the boy was broke again.  So he called the cattle buyer, "Dad, that professor has Jake talking like he's been doing it all his life.  And get this... For another $1,000, the professor thinks he can teach him to read."

Now, a dog that can talk and read if worth a lot more than a dog that can just talk and the cattle buyer realized this.  "Son, I'll send you another check today."

By the time the boy had blown the $1,000, it was time for the Thanksgiving break, so with a lot of misgivings, he started home.  About 100 miles from the house, his fertile mind came up with a strategy that he hoped would save his life. 

He called his dad from his cell phone... "Dad, Jake and I are a couple of hours away.  But there's a problem... As we were going down the road, out of the blue, Ol' Jake looked up from the newspaper he was reading and told me he was really going to be glad to get home so he could tell Mom about all those other women he's seen you with."

There was a moment of dead silence and then the cattle buyer said, "Son, you listen to me and do exactly what I tell you... Pull over, throw that dog out of the pickup, and you shoot that lying SOB."

.

 

[cowz]

:

The dean of admissions at a prestigious university's School of Agriculture was interviewing a prospective student... 
"What do you plan to do with a degee in agricultural economics and finance?" the dean asked. 

"I dream of making millions of dollars buying and trading cattle, like my father," the student replied. 

The dean was obviously impressed... "Your father made millions of dollars buying and trading cattle?" 

"No," replied the applicant... "But he always dreamed of it."

 

[Doc]

pretty good (clapping)

 

[AAOK]

A cattle buyer staggered home at 3 A.M. to find his wife waiting up for him and mad as Hell. She accused him of hanging out in a sleazy bar all night. The cattle
buyer said, "That's not true. It was in a high-class bar. Everything was golden - the bar was golden, the bar stools were golden... why, they even had a golden
urinal."

His wife said she didn't believe him because no bar would have a golden urinal. He told her he would prove it to her. The next day, he started calling bars in the
Yellow Pages. About his 12th call, he talked to a guy who said that they had a golden bar with golden bar stools. The cattle buyer said, "And you have a golden
urinal too, don't you?" The bartender asked the cattle buyer to hang on a minute and yelled, " Hey, Tom, I found the guy who used your saxophone as a urinal." 

 

[AAOK]

Rex was a cattle buyer and he decided that since he wore boots and a Stetson all the time, he should own a horse. He heard about an old Mexican man who had
a horse for sale and gave him a call. The old man said the horse was well broken, gentle enough for his grandchildren to ride, and that he wanted $250 for him.
Suspiciously, Rex said, "$250 isn't much for that kind of horse. What's wrong with him?" The old man said, "He don't look so good."

Because the price was right, Rex decided to go over and take a look at the horse. The old Mexican man took him out to the corral and there was a teenage
granddaughter leading a good-looking bay gelding around with a piece of baler twine and 3 little kids on his back. Rex had seen enough... he slapped leather,
peeled off $250 in cash before the old man could raise the price, and included $20 extra for delivery.

The next morning, the gelding was in his corral. He went out, saddled him up, and rode down to the creek... where the bay immediately walked off the creek bank.
As they fell 5 feet into the water, Rex bailed off and watched in dismay as the horse got up, ran down the creek until he bounced off a big boulder, took a left and
hit a tree dead-on and then stood there, shaking. The cattle buyer realized the horse was blind. He led the horse home, unsaddled him, went to the house and
immediately called the old Mexican man. "Why didn't you tell me that the horse was blind?" he demanded. The old man said, "I did, Senor. I told you he don't
look so good."

I just love this thread

 

[AAOK]

And, the Number 1 Cattle Buyer Joke of all time...................................

Nancy heard someone drive up and looked out to see Bart, a local cattle buyer, getting out of his car.  He came to the door and explained that her husband asked him to look at the steers in the South Pasture.  After he had looked at the cattle, Bart stopped at the house and knocked on the door. 
When Nancy came to the door, Bart said, "Tell Tom I'll call him tonight about the steers.  By the way, Nancy... You just get prettier and prettier.  In fact, you look so good, I'll pay you $1,000 if you'll take off your blouse."

Bart was an uncurable flirt who delighted in making women uncomfortable with his outrageous advances and Nancy decided to call his bluff.

She said, "Bart, the screen door's locked and it's going to stay that way.  Slide the money under the door." 

Bart reached in his pocket, pulled out a roll of money, peeled off ten $100 bills and slid them under the door.

Not about to let Bart back her down, she took off her blouse.  Bart peeled off 10 more $100 bills and said, "You can have this $1,000 if you'll take off your bra." 

Certain that Bart expected and would truly enjoy it if she reacted with indignant outrage, she said, "Put your money where your mouth is."  Bart immediately slid the money under the door. 

Figuring she was about to get the best of Bart and $2,000 of his money, Nancy nonchalantly took off her bra, picked up the money, and then closed the door. 

That evening, at dinner, Tom asked Nancy, "Did Bart make it out here today?"

Nancy replied, "He did.  He was here mid-afternoon, looked at the steers, and said he would call you tonight."

Then Tom asked, "Did he leave $2,000?  I loaned him some money last week and he told me this morning he would go 
by the Bank, get the money, and leave it here this afternoon."