Anybody out there with a 12 year old daughter????

[Simmymom1]

  (clapping)   I am so glad that I started this post this morning, you guys have made me laugh and cry at the same time.  I totally agree with SWMO on the issue of daughters getting along with their fathers more than the mother, and that really hurts!!  Don't get me wrong, I am glad she and my husband have a great "connection", but I am the one that brought her into this world (ha ha).  Well, you were all right about her being okay this morning at school, I just got back from picking her up and she said she did very well on her TAKS test.  Oh, and for about an hour now we have had zero arguments!!!!  I am glad that she is involved in 4-H and showing cattle, and she does have a good group of girls that she is friends with, so I guess things are not too bad when you look at it like that.  Who needs Dr. Phil when all you need are good friends to talk to on SteerPlanet!!!  Lisa   (angel)

 

[Bawndoh]

I have had some tough ones with my daughter mostly because she is just like I was at that age (and probably still am)  tell her that she can't do something and she will darn sure try and prove you wrong.  

Use this as a type of praise when you need to.  I am a Ukrainian Taurus, so I am, and always was and will be....Stubborn!  I wouldnt trade it for anything.  I usually make a decision and stick with it only to annoy everyone else.  I know what I want and I am not going to walk around like a chicken with my head cut off because I cannot make a simple decision.  Once, my friends and I were sitting in a McDonalds parking lot.  They went over about 10 options of where they wanted to eat...and then settled on Micky D's cause we were "already there anyways".  Grrrrrrr!!  Anyhow...it is difficult at times, but praise your daughter for being so darn determined!

 

[Bawndoh]

  (clapping)   I am so glad that I started this post this morning, you guys have made me laugh and cry at the same time.  I totally agree with SWMO on the issue of daughters getting along with their fathers more than the mother, and that really hurts!!  Don't get me wrong, I am glad she and my husband have a great "connection", but I am the one that brought her into this world (ha ha).  Well, you were all right about her being okay this morning at school, I just got back from picking her up and she said she did very well on her TAKS test.  Oh, and for about an hour now we have had zero arguments!!!!  I am glad that she is involved in 4-H and showing cattle, and she does have a good group of girls that she is friends with, so I guess things are not too bad when you look at it like that.  Who needs Dr. Phil when all you need are good friends to talk to on SteerPlanet!!!  Lisa   (angel)

You can very easily judge a person by their group of friends!!  Friends have a LOT of influence on teenagers, so knowing that she has a supportive-type group is good.  By the way, my mother didnt approve of several people I hung around, but not too many of them were as bad as she thought!  On the flip side, some of them are worse than parents think!  Dont get worried though...your daughter is in 4-H and is involved with your cattle so she already has a good foundation!  (clapping)

 

[kanshow]

I feel your pain.  One minute all is great and the next is H E double hockey sticks.  I hope I live thru it. 

 

[showgirl2010]

Wow, now I know how my mom felt.  Only 4 years ago I was that pain in the rear for my mom.  Don't worry it is just that akward stage we all go through more so girls than guys as for hating their mother.  I remember not being able to go a day with out having a fight with my mom.  It will get better though, just give it time.  For me and my sister it was about a year (dont worry it goes by quickly).  Now I love my mom and we are best friends.  Just let her talk when she wants to but don't pressure her. At that time I was realizing that I loved to write so I have a ton of letter to my mom from that time just sitting in my closet in a shoe box.  I figured it would be good to give her the letters one day to show her I still loved her through that horrible and weird stage. 


Jamie

 

[jnm]

There is only one thing for sure with a 12 year old daughter; it will get WORSE before it gets better. My daughter is now 24 and in second year of medical school but there were a lot of times between 13 and 17 that you wanted to send her back!

 

[ELBEE]

You all just remember, children are the Lords greatest blessing. And how little control we have over the "Grand Plan", give thanks and pray for guidance. These youngsters can be taken from us in a heart beat. Then nothing matters except the foundation we built for them.

I would cherish a daily conflict with my daughter, rather than seeing her every other weekend! 

 

[SueBee]

It is true that children are a blessing from the Lord (I keep telling myself that!) - and  I've heard that grandchildren are the reward you get for not killing your children!

 

[kanshow]

I agree ELBEE.  I have to remember to focus on that part during the times she tells me she hates me.  I know it will pass.

 

[occ]

Simmimom,

Glad things are better for you.  As the mom of a 17 year old daughter (graduates in 2 weeks) I can tell you to Hang on to your hat and enjoy the ride, 'cause it's just starting.  I think it is mostly hormones, becoming independent thinkers, wanting independence in general that starts at about 12 with girls.  My daughter's emotions can be all over the place in the space of an hour.  And at 12, one minute she was my little girl and wanted to be treated that way, and the next minute she thought she was 20.  The best advice I can give is to do more listening than talking (good advice for me in any situation).  It took awhile for me to realize that sometimes she just wants to tell me her problems, not have me solve them for her.  A good time for talking and listening is when washing and brushing calves, cleaning stalls, just good quiet times.  My daughter recently told me in conversation "I know you are wiser than me".  Believe me, I remember that!  Even though I have wanted to remind her since then, I haven't.  I bite my tongue alot.  As for self esteem - showing livestock, having responsibilities and seeing the results of working hard, being rewarded for hard work, learning to handle disappointments, earning respect from peers and adults - the best thing in the world in my opinion.  Many of her traits (stubborness, speaking her mind) that irritate me now, will serve her well in the future as she learns to tone it all down a little.  My daughter will be going to college 910 miles from home to be on a livestock judging team.  We are so proud of her for having this opportunity and being brave enough to take advantage of the opportunity she is being given.  But I know I will miss her sooooooooooo much.  Just let your daughter know that your love is unconditional and no matter how many times she says she hates you, you know that she doesn't mean it  and you will never hate her.

I thought boys would be easier, but they just come with a different set of problems and they kick in a little later.  My 16 year old son has been letting a girl string him along for about a year now.  Her daddy doesn't like my son because he is short (the girlfriend is very tall).  How silly, but I told him to tell her that her daddy is ugly and he (my son) is not holding that against her.  I know,  I should just stay out of it.

Penny       

 

[RSC]

Her daddy doesn't like my son because he is short (the girlfriend is very tall). 

Penny       

Tell your son if he was a clubby bull, he would be popular! Short is in! (lol)

RSC

 

[Simmymom1]

Good Morning Everybody!!!  Well my daughter and I did not argue this morning so it is starting off "good" for me.  I just wanted to let you all know that I have printed out the replies from everyone on this post and I will keep these words of "wisdom" with me at all times.  When things get tough between my daughter and I, I will make sure to read what you have all said to remind me of how to react and how not to  react to her.  I do love her dearly and can not imagine my life without her even when she turns into the hormone monster that she can be.  On another note, she will be showing her steer "Romo" at our county fair on Tuesday and showing her heifer on Thursday.  Cross your fingers for her because she has really worked hard with that steer and he looks really good!!  Have a great day - Lisa    (angel)

 

[sawboss]

Since everyone is spilling their guts on this topic I thought I would jump in.  First off I can not help with advice on girls, I have two sons ages 14 and 11 and both present their own unique problems.  In the past few months the 14 year old has really tested me with some of his "stunts".  Oh where to start, Forth Worth steer show downloaded games from the internet on to cell phone, cost of being bored $40.  February, finds girls and the fad of texting, cost of puberty in texts messages $150 and text capabilities cancelled.  March, county steer show loses two show halters, cost of going to chase girls $70.  April, State Livestock Judging Contest clothes bag flies out of Ag. truck (contents jeans, shirt, new glasses and new trophy buckle) cost of not knowing aerodynamics $400.  I realize I have not painted a very pretty picture of my son, but he is one of the most responsible young men I have ever been around.  My wife often has to curtail my blowing a gasket by reminding me that he is after all a chip off the old block.  Both sets of Grandparents laugh and say "You are paying for your raising", I never understood that until I recall some of the stunts I pulled at that age.  Heck who am I trying to kid, I still pull some pretty good ones.  I have stated in a previous post the best thing we are raising are our children, not cattle and with that smile and keep up the good fight.  The little things (phone bills, glasses, trophy buckles, clothes, etc.) are not worth ruining a relationship over, they are replaceable my child is not!

 

[Simmymom1]

Since everyone is spilling their guts on this topic I thought I would jump in.  First off I can not help with advice on girls, I have two sons ages 14 and 11 and both present their own unique problems.  In the past few months the 14 year old has really tested me with some of his "stunts".  Oh where to start, Forth Worth steer show downloaded games from the internet on to cell phone, cost of being bored $40.  February, finds girls and the fad of texting, cost of puberty in texts messages $150 and text capabilities cancelled.  March, county steer show loses two show halters, cost of going to chase girls $70.  April, State Livestock Judging Contest clothes bag flies out of Ag. truck (contents jeans, shirt, new glasses and new trophy buckle) cost of not knowing aerodynamics $400.  I realize I have not painted a very pretty picture of my son, but he is one of the most responsible young men I have ever been around.  My wife often has to curtail my blowing a gasket by reminding me that he is after all a chip off the old block.  Both sets of Grandparents laugh and say "You are paying for your raising", I never understood that until I recall some of the stunts I pulled at that age.  Heck who am I trying to kid, I still pull some pretty good ones.  I have stated in a previous post the best thing we are raising are our children, not cattle and with that smile and keep up the good fight.  The little things (phone bills, glasses, trophy buckles, clothes, etc.) are not worth ruining a relationship over, they are replaceable my child is not!

I love it Sawboss!!  -  You have made me laugh so hard that I almost choked on my coffee!!  He sounds like a great kid.    (clapping)

 

[knabe]

better to learn those mistakes about losing clothes on the highway when you are kid than an adult.  i went on a waterski trip when i was about 25 and my box of clothes flew off the boat and someone was pointing back to the boat and we were like "hi".  good thing i had on my swim trunks.  now i use the fold top moving boxes instead of copy paper boxes for suitcases or duffel bags.  my wife and sister finally got fed up and purchased me a duffel bag.  i commute about an hour each way to work and shave on the way.  i set down my electric razor in the toolbox for some reason into the house the other week.  never found it till i purchased another one and needed a screwdriver.  i usually don't ask myself anymore where i leave things, i just immediately ask my wife, or even my 5 year old daughter.  it's amazing the stuff she knows the location of.  she wanted to paint the other day, and i said, "where's great grandma's paint pallet", because as usual,i couldn't find it.  10 seconds after i asked her she knew where it was.  i hope to retire soon.

 

[SWMO]

Want to know anything is in our household Knabe you just have to ask Kate.  She know who is doing what when where and and sometimes why.  As to the location of things since she is so nosy she also know where everything is and most of the times how it got there because she thought that it needed to be moved because it wasn't where she thought it should be.  Drives the Father crazy. 

My son however(remember same age as girl), usually doesn't  know where anything is and wouldn't know if the roof was blown off the house.  Totally into is own little world.  And that isn't Earth.  Can certainly relate to what Sawboss was talking about.

I honestly can't tell you which is more annoying.  The know it all or the know nothing.  I guess it depends on my mood.  Gotta love my kids they certainly make my world a more eventful place.  I know I won't get old as long as they are in the house although I have been spotting a few more grey hairs on my roof.

 

[STX]

All the post have been so interesting. I raised two boys and so many times I too wanted to send them back. Looking back my mother always said "someday you're going to pay for everything you've done" and boy was she right. The worst part of watching them grow up was the famous sayings they would come up with like "you were serious about that, you never told me, I was suppose to have done what", and the worst one "HOLD ON". There realy is'nt a parenting book out there to help us raise our kids, so we do our best and HOLD ON. Ya'll think its tough for sometimes step into my shoes. I'm starting my 27 year of teaching Ag and have had boohoo's of daughters and sons and reading ya'lls post seems pretty funny because I feel I know your kids personally. One last thing be patient and love your kids. Time flies bye to fast to miss out on any of the things the kids are in. My boys are now 23 & 20 with the oldest fixing to graduate college this month with an Ag teaching degree. So there is hope for everyone. I survived. Enjoyed it. STX

 

[DLD]

14 year old son and 8 year old twins (a girl and a boy) here. I can relate to what most of you are saying, but especially to Sawboss and his 14 year old son and SWMO's twins - they could just as easily be describing my kids as theirs...

No doubt there are times I'd love to send 'em back, too, but day in and day out, they're what keep me keepin' on.

 

[SWMO]

DLD  if you find a way to keep everything even with your twins especially who gets the better animal in a given year let me know.  As hard as we have tried it seems that Kate always ends up with the better heifer.  I know brother is tired of getting beat by his sister.  Talk about Murphy's Law.  It has been really hard to not feel guilty over it. Plus Kate happens to be more mature and consequently the better person in showmanship no matter how hard Will tries.

In the barn, they sometimes look and act like this (argue).  But will take up for each other if anyone else tries to cut the other one down which is what matters in the end. 

 

[doubled]

All of the above is what makes Steer Planet AWESOME- I love reading all your suggestions for this Mom- I can't identify with having girls as a Mother as I have only two
sons one 20 and one 23- Actually having teenager sons was great, both are really good kids, we had our moments but mostly really good, other than the boys fighting and
punching holes in the walls (another story sometime) - But I do remember what is was like being a 12 year old girl, as I look back my mother had it kinda rough at some points
as both of us girls were daddys girls and were the farmers with him and Mom was always kinda on the outside and the one who mostly made us girls tow the line- I think looking back that
mothers are closer to their sons and fathers are closer to their daughters.  Sometimes its just better to talk to your kids while in a car or outside together as in a car you cant shout
throw things, or slam doors and outside is just plain calmer than a house usually is.  Maybe try to have a mother/daughter night once every other week, just you and her to some
swanky place to eat, take in a musical just you and her, just something that gives you both time to relax and talk.  Good Luck, you sound like a wonderful Mom.  It really does get
better as they get older. (clapping)