mark tenenbaum
Well-known member
This is only a joke-and it was told to me by a resident of Dc- Whats the most confusing day in Washington???-FATHERS DAY O0 O0 O0
Blonde Joke
- Thread starter Shady Lane
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Shady Lane
Well-known member
A group of country friends wanted to get
together on a regular basis to socialize, and play games. The lady of the house was to prepare the meal.
When it came time for Al and Janet to be the hosts, Janet wanted to outdo all the others. Janet decided to have mushroom-smothered steak, but, mushrooms are expensive.
She then told her husband,'No mushrooms. They are too expensive.'
He said, 'Why don't you go down in the pasture and pick some of those mushrooms? There are plenty in the creek bed.'
She said, 'No, some wild mushrooms are poison.'
He said, 'Well, I see varmints eating them and they're OK.'
So, Janet decided to give it a try. She picked a bunch, washed, sliced, and diced them for her smothered steak.
Then she went out on the back porch and gave Ole' Spot(the yard dog) a double hand full.
Ole ' Spot ate every bite. All morning long, Janet watched Ole' Spot and the wild mushrooms didn't seem to affect him, so she decided to use them.
The meal was a great success, and Janet even hired a helper lady from town to help her serve. She had on a white apron and a fancy little cap on her head.
After everyone had finished, they relaxed and socialized.
About then, the helper lady from town, came in and whispered in Janet's ear, 'Mrs. Williams, Ole 'Spot is dead'
Janet went into hysterics. After she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened.
The doctor said,'That's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as quick as possible. We'll give everyone enemas and we will pump out everyone's stomach. Everything will be fine. Just keep them calm.'
Soon they could hear the siren as the ambulance was coming down the road. The EMTs and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump.
One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their stomach. After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said,'I think everything will be fine now.'
Then he left. They were all looking pretty weak sitting around the living room,and about this time, the helper lady came in and said, 'You know, that fellow that ran over Ole' Spot never even stopped.'
together on a regular basis to socialize, and play games. The lady of the house was to prepare the meal.
When it came time for Al and Janet to be the hosts, Janet wanted to outdo all the others. Janet decided to have mushroom-smothered steak, but, mushrooms are expensive.
She then told her husband,'No mushrooms. They are too expensive.'
He said, 'Why don't you go down in the pasture and pick some of those mushrooms? There are plenty in the creek bed.'
She said, 'No, some wild mushrooms are poison.'
He said, 'Well, I see varmints eating them and they're OK.'
So, Janet decided to give it a try. She picked a bunch, washed, sliced, and diced them for her smothered steak.
Then she went out on the back porch and gave Ole' Spot(the yard dog) a double hand full.
Ole ' Spot ate every bite. All morning long, Janet watched Ole' Spot and the wild mushrooms didn't seem to affect him, so she decided to use them.
The meal was a great success, and Janet even hired a helper lady from town to help her serve. She had on a white apron and a fancy little cap on her head.
After everyone had finished, they relaxed and socialized.
About then, the helper lady from town, came in and whispered in Janet's ear, 'Mrs. Williams, Ole 'Spot is dead'
Janet went into hysterics. After she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened.
The doctor said,'That's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as quick as possible. We'll give everyone enemas and we will pump out everyone's stomach. Everything will be fine. Just keep them calm.'
Soon they could hear the siren as the ambulance was coming down the road. The EMTs and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump.
One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their stomach. After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said,'I think everything will be fine now.'
Then he left. They were all looking pretty weak sitting around the living room,and about this time, the helper lady came in and said, 'You know, that fellow that ran over Ole' Spot never even stopped.'
One bright spring day a beautiful blonde was driving down the highway in her convertable headed to the beach.
Suddenly she looked in her rear view mirror and saw flashing lights from a patrol car.
She pulls over and the officer asks for her drivers license.
She looks in her bag and can't find it and tells the officer.
The officer asks what her name is.
She tells the officer her name and the officer asks her " How do I know that's really you? "
So the blonde pulls a mirror out of her purse, looks in it, and says " Yep that's me. "
The officer, who is also a blonde, took the mirror, looks in it and said " Oh I'm so sorry if I had known you were a cop I never would of stopped you."
Suddenly she looked in her rear view mirror and saw flashing lights from a patrol car.
She pulls over and the officer asks for her drivers license.
She looks in her bag and can't find it and tells the officer.
The officer asks what her name is.
She tells the officer her name and the officer asks her " How do I know that's really you? "
So the blonde pulls a mirror out of her purse, looks in it, and says " Yep that's me. "
The officer, who is also a blonde, took the mirror, looks in it and said " Oh I'm so sorry if I had known you were a cop I never would of stopped you."
kfacres
Well-known member
One night on the back porch, two Kentucky Hicks were talkin...
One asks the other..
If I were to sneak over to your house, and have my way with your wife, and she were to have a youngun... would we be kiin?
the other one thinks for a bit.. and replys''
No, I don't reccon so.. but atleast we'd be even!
One asks the other..
If I were to sneak over to your house, and have my way with your wife, and she were to have a youngun... would we be kiin?
the other one thinks for a bit.. and replys''
No, I don't reccon so.. but atleast we'd be even!
kfacres
Well-known member
blonde driving to disney world.. see sign says "Disney world Left".. she turned around and went home. <party>
cowgirl864
Well-known member
they are all great! but I think the deer joke is the greatest, I would love to hear Baxter Black tell it
bruiser
Well-known member
What do you call a brunette sitting between 2 blondes ? An interpreter.
mark tenenbaum
Well-known member
Wut do yew cawll 4 blondes standing in line? A wind tunnell O0
fed_champions
Well-known member
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2010
- Messages
- 400
First off i have nothing against aggies, i go to school there myself, but i just wanted to share this joke.
A czech family is visiting the zoo in texas. Theyre looking at the great silverback gorillas, when their two year old son crossed the barrier and one of the gorillas snatched him up, eating him whole. The zoo officials came out, explaining that this is an endangered species, they need to know whether the male or female ate the boy. An aggie steps up from the back and says, i saw the whole thing, the male ate the child. They destroyed the male and found no kid, so they destroyed the female and sure enough, they saved the boys life.
The moral of the story: Never believe an aggie when he says the czechs in the male.
A czech family is visiting the zoo in texas. Theyre looking at the great silverback gorillas, when their two year old son crossed the barrier and one of the gorillas snatched him up, eating him whole. The zoo officials came out, explaining that this is an endangered species, they need to know whether the male or female ate the boy. An aggie steps up from the back and says, i saw the whole thing, the male ate the child. They destroyed the male and found no kid, so they destroyed the female and sure enough, they saved the boys life.
The moral of the story: Never believe an aggie when he says the czechs in the male.
Angusboy
Well-known member
there are 3 girls running from the cops the red head jumped in a box that said "cats" the cops nocked on the box and she said meow meow so the cops go on the burnet jumped in a box that said "dogs" the cops nocked on the box and she said wooof woooof so the BLOND jumps in a box that says "potatoes" so the cops kock on on the box and she says ( in a scary voice) ppooooottttttaaaaaaatttoooooooeeeeeeessssssss!!!!!!!
and the cops go on ;D
and the cops go on ;D
cornershack
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2010
- Messages
- 85
perfect this is just what we all need from time to time. thanks guys and girls.
Shady Lane
Well-known member
After 12 years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes.....
He said " No hablo Ingles".
;D
He said " No hablo Ingles".
;D
Jacob B
Well-known member
(clapping) Still think this is one of the best posts ever on this site. I love the one about ropeing the deer. That reminds me of a story my now deceased uncle jim once told me and my friends. He had told us about one time that he was out trail riding checking some fences when he had what seemed at the time to be a clever idea to try and rope a small six point buck like he was headin' a steer. To save himself and his horse, he eventualy gave up and just cut the rope with a knife. To hear him tell the story was awsome, the two were very similar. he never figured out who was more suprised or scared, him or the buck.
The very first ever Blonde GUY joke..... And well worth the wait!
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, 'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.'
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, 'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.'
The blonde opened his lunch and said, ' Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too.'
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!'
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.'
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,
'Don't look at me. The idiot makes his own lunch.'
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, 'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.'
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, 'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.'
The blonde opened his lunch and said, ' Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too.'
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!'
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.'
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,
'Don't look at me. The idiot makes his own lunch.'
AAOK
Well-known member
What do you call a smart blonde?
“A Golden Retriever.”
How do you get a 1 armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave.
rkmn
Well-known member
GoWyo said:
Awesome joke! My wife is still laughing.
bruiser
Well-known member
A 100 year old Irishman was on his deathbed and his best freind and neighbor was beside him. " Paddy my freind, is there anything is there anything I can get you before you pass on?" He looks up at his freind and says" Jimmy we've been freinds forever, helping each other in time of need and I have 1 favor to ask. When I've drawn my last breathe go into my pantry and behind everything is a bottle of 100 year old Irish whiskey . Just before they cover me with dirt, pour it on my coffin so I can have one last taste before meeting my maker". Jimmy thinks a minute and replies, " Do you mind if I run it thru my kidneys first?"
fed_champions
Well-known member
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2010
- Messages
- 400
A man walks into a bar, he sits down and asked the bartender" are u a betting man", the bartender says ive been known to bet from time to time, what u got? he said i bet you 20 dollars i can bite my right eye. The bartender says im game, and the man takes his glass eye out and bites it. He then says, i bet you another 20 i can bite my left eye. The bartender thinks, " i saw this man walk in here, he cant be blind" so he takes the bet. The man prooceeds to take his denchers out and bites his left eye. Th bartender says alright no more bets from you. The man leaves and returns an hour later. He says bartender, i got one more bet for you. I bet a hundred dollars, u put a shot glass on the bar, ill stand up here, pee in the glass and not spill a drop. Bartender says thats impossible, ill take that bet. The man climbs up on the bar and starts pissing all over everything even the bartender. Laughing at the man, the bartender asks" what are you smiling about, you just lost a hundred dollars" the man replies " you see that guy looking through the window, well i bet him 500 i could come in here and piss all over you and you would laugh about it"
fed_champions
Well-known member
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2010
- Messages
- 400
One more.
There's three bulls standing in a pen getting ready for breeding season. Theres a large bull, a medium bull, and a small bull. About this time, the rancher comes home from the sale barn with a new bull. He's huge, mean and just plain scary. The large bull looks around and says, "dang, i might have to give him half my cows", the medium bull says "Half, im gonna have to give him all my cows" they look around and the small bull is snorting and pawing the ground, they say "what are you crazy, he'll kill you" He replies "I just want him to know im a bull"
There's three bulls standing in a pen getting ready for breeding season. Theres a large bull, a medium bull, and a small bull. About this time, the rancher comes home from the sale barn with a new bull. He's huge, mean and just plain scary. The large bull looks around and says, "dang, i might have to give him half my cows", the medium bull says "Half, im gonna have to give him all my cows" they look around and the small bull is snorting and pawing the ground, they say "what are you crazy, he'll kill you" He replies "I just want him to know im a bull"
