OH Breeder
Well-known member
Q: How did they know the blonde had attempted suicide?
A: Gun shots in the mirror
A: Gun shots in the mirror
Blonde Joke
- Thread starter Shady Lane
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Shady Lane
Well-known member
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.
To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.
The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.
To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.
The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"
AAOK
Well-known member
Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.
The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said,
"I think they could be bird tracks."
The second blonde went to look and said,
"No, I think these are deer tracks."
They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!
ploughshare
Well-known member
- Joined
- May 30, 2008
- Messages
- 589
A guy is 75 years old and loves to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,
'Pick me up.'
He looked around and couldn't see anyone.
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,
'Pick me up.'
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.'
Pick me up, then kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'
The man looked at the frog for a short time,
Reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.
The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'
With age comes wisdom.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,
'Pick me up.'
He looked around and couldn't see anyone.
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,
'Pick me up.'
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.'
Pick me up, then kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'
The man looked at the frog for a short time,
Reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.
The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'
With age comes wisdom.
Shady Lane
Well-known member
Painting the Porch
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
PennMutual
Member
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2011
- Messages
- 6
WHAT DOES " idk " MEAN?
kfacres
Well-known member
PennMutual said:
I don't know
PennMutual
Member
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2011
- Messages
- 6
the truth said:
OH MY GOSH!!!! NOBODY KNOWS!
kfacres
Well-known member
PennMutual said:
It means "I DON"T KNOW"__IDK
fed_champions
Well-known member
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2010
- Messages
- 400
yall missed the joke there
Angusboy
Well-known member
i did that to a few kids at school today and almost all of them got itthe truth said:
Shady Lane
Well-known member
What do you call an eternity?
.......................
Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop!
.......................
Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop!
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes are really smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day right after her husband leaves for work she gets busy with the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 6:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she's OK. She replies YES. He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blondes are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said...
You will love this...
I know you will...
"FOR BEST RESULTS PUT ON TWO COATS"
;D
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day right after her husband leaves for work she gets busy with the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 6:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she's OK. She replies YES. He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blondes are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said...
You will love this...
I know you will...
"FOR BEST RESULTS PUT ON TWO COATS"
;D
Shady Lane
Well-known member
Did you hear about the blond Coyote?
.................................................
Got stuck in a hunter's trap, chewed off it's 2 paws and 1 leg, and was still stuck.
(lol)
.................................................
Got stuck in a hunter's trap, chewed off it's 2 paws and 1 leg, and was still stuck.
(lol)
AKTcattle
Well-known member
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2011
- Messages
- 88
I don't know if this one has been told already...
Martians land on earth and the first thing they do is seek out a doctor to discuss reproduction.
"Martian forms come down an assembly line and robots add the head, arms, and legs," The head martain begins.At the end of the line they recieve a power surge that activates them and away they go to their frist assignment. How do you humans do it?"
The doctor whispers into the martians ear. His eyes grow wide in disbelief. "That's incredible!!!" The Martian excaims.
"Why?" The DR asks.
"Because that's how we make cars!!"
Martians land on earth and the first thing they do is seek out a doctor to discuss reproduction.
"Martian forms come down an assembly line and robots add the head, arms, and legs," The head martain begins.At the end of the line they recieve a power surge that activates them and away they go to their frist assignment. How do you humans do it?"
The doctor whispers into the martians ear. His eyes grow wide in disbelief. "That's incredible!!!" The Martian excaims.
"Why?" The DR asks.
"Because that's how we make cars!!"
Jeff Benson
Member
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2011
- Messages
- 11
Q. How are blondes and turtles alike?
A. When they're on their backs they're both screwed.
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A. When they're on their backs they're both screwed.
http://dashquid.com
http://fatlossprofessional.co.uk
http://fatlossprofessional.co.uk/how-to-lose-weight-fast/
http://mobilehelper.co.uk
http://securetrip.co.uk
http://whichpetcover.com
http://youtube.com
http://wikipedia.org
http://twitter.com
http://amazon.com
Shady Lane
Well-known member
John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'
'Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.
They enjoyed a great weekend of skii ng.
But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, 'Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'
'Yes, I do.' Said Keith.
'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'
'Well, um, yes!,' Keith said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'
'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'
Keith's face turned beet red and he said,
'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'
'She just died and left me everything.'
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'
'Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.
They enjoyed a great weekend of skii ng.
But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, 'Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'
'Yes, I do.' Said Keith.
'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'
'Well, um, yes!,' Keith said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'
'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'
Keith's face turned beet red and he said,
'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'
'She just died and left me everything.'
That's a good one Shady Lane. That actually happened to me once. I was so happy. Then my wife woke me up because I was shouting out in glee.
A blonde and a red head were taking a nature walk one day. The red head said " Oh look there's a dead bird."
The blonde looked up and said " Where I don't see it."
A blonde and a red head were taking a nature walk one day. The red head said " Oh look there's a dead bird."
The blonde looked up and said " Where I don't see it."
Aussie
Well-known member
About time you posted a joke Shady Lane have missed them.
MCC smartest thing you have said for awhile (lol)
MCC smartest thing you have said for awhile (lol)
