I've got my smiley face back on today.
Kids need very good, and frankly conservative guidance from their parents on these projects. I absolutely agree that helping your kid learn how to deal with a bank by cosigning a note for a project can be a very good, and valuable experience. Contrary to what some of the new folks on this board probably think of me, I didn't have diddledy growing up. My dad died when I was 10, raised by a single mom who never did remarry. I got to show cattle because someone in my town took me under their wing. I was referred to that person by my county agent. My mom helped me borrow $600 from the bank for my first steer in 1985. The guy - who practically served the role of father in my life - was very careful in not letting me get in over my head. Frankly, he set me up for success. When he realized how much I loved it and how hard I worked, he flat out bought my calves for me the rest of my show career and helped me get to a whole different level. I was taken care of in county sales - not because my family spent a lot of money with anybody, but because I was a straight A student, helped with everything, and worked my tail off with my calves. People figure out who the good kids are in a hurry. There's not enough of them to this day.
There is no better program out there for a single mom to try to help their sons get involved with and more often than not, be exposed to some positive male role models when the father isn't around for whatever reason. Mom's can do a lot of it, but boys do need to be taught how to be good men by other men.
"Momma bears", "helicopter moms", etc. need to learn to back off and feed their kids to the wolves so to speak a little bit. Guess what - the kids will figure out how to make things work for themselves. A kid is not going to get truly hurt and abused through the 4-H and FFA programs. Kids DO NOT need protecting from the minor injustices that happen in these programs. They will learn to claw their way to the top if they really care about it.
Jeff and others reactions to borrowing money for show calves is due to the inference that this family may be in financial trouble because they borrowed money for this calf. Those of us that are around this program in Texas a lot hear some horror stories about some amazingly stupid people that borrow tens of thousands of dollars to try to win. There are people in jail because of fraud for trying to come up with money to buy show steers. It's all a matter of scale. A family with limited financial resources can get in just as much trouble borrowing $2-$3k for a project.
The good news is that, if you really care about keeping your kid involved in it, you do not have to do that. There are way more good calves than good kids/families. If you will work through the system - and not against it - your ag teacher/agent or someone can help you find (1) a calf for market price that can be quite competetive, particularly at the county level, that is not a serious financial risk if you have to borrow money or (2) better yet, a sponsor that will foot the whole bill. Those people are usually people whose kids are done showing and still love being a part of it. There are a lot of those folks out there. But you have to get to know people in your community and county - not going in with a flamethrower. Helping a kid out like that requires trust on both ends. That trust is not given, it has to be earned.
Honest truth and I'm not trying to be mean - if this lady's ex-husband is in jail for extortion or whatever, this boy needs a stabilizing and calming influence. I can't imagine how bad that kid has been hurt. Mom - you cannot turn into the dog that bites the hand that tries to help you and your son - no matter how bad you've been hurt. There's plenty of real evil and injustice out there, 4-H/FFA and cattle showing isn't one of them. Your county show isn't one of them. It really sounds like a county show with limited financial resources. THE VERY REASON 4-H/FFA leaders are there are for people in your situation. Work with them to help your son, not against them. Nobody's perfect, but getting people to spend money at these programs is very hard work. These programs have been around a while and they are like they are because it works overall. Not perfect, but is very unfair to use terms like conspiracies, kickbacks, etc.
People that spend a lot of money on calves are often targets of jealousy. Number one, they don't care what their calves sell for. Number two, often they aren't worth being jealous over. You probably can't imagine the pressure that gets put on families when you do that.
I'm very proud - don't take it as arrogant - over the success I've made of myself SOLELY through the help of the very kind of people you are putting down. I really am the poster child for what 4-H can do for a kid. And I won't apologize for being defensive about people that try their best in an imperfect world to help kids like I was and your son is. The system really does work if you'll let it.