Blonde Joke
- Thread starter Shady Lane
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Shady Lane
Well-known member
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center
and rolled down the car windows to make sure my
Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.
She was stretched full-out on the back seat
and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.
I walked to the curb backward,
pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
"Now you stay. Do you hear me?"
"Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young
BLONDE lady,
gave me a strange look and said,
"Why don't you just put it in 'Park'?"
and rolled down the car windows to make sure my
Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.
She was stretched full-out on the back seat
and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.
I walked to the curb backward,
pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
"Now you stay. Do you hear me?"
"Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young
BLONDE lady,
gave me a strange look and said,
"Why don't you just put it in 'Park'?"
ICF
Member
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2011
- Messages
- 15
hopfully this one wasnt already posted!! i thought it was kinda funny ;D
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"
So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five blondes - two in the front and three in the back of the car - wide-eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver is obviously confused, and says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly - twenty-two miles an hour," the old woman said proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am," the officer says, "I have to ask... Is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time."
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119."
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"
So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five blondes - two in the front and three in the back of the car - wide-eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver is obviously confused, and says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly - twenty-two miles an hour," the old woman said proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am," the officer says, "I have to ask... Is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time."
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119."
MKC Showcattle
Well-known member
I thought that the Route 22 one was hilarious!!
Hears one... its just an average blonde joke.
There was a brunette standing along side a busy road chanting "88, 88, 88, 88..."
A blonde came up to her and said, "That looks like fun, can I try?"
The brunette said, "Sure."
So the blonde chanted, "88, 88, 88, 88.."
"Well," said the brunette, "that is fun. But what is even more fun is if you say it in the middle of the street."
So the blonde said, "OK." and stood in the middle of the street. "88, 88, 88, 88-" BAM! she was run over by a car, completely flattened.
Along the side of the road, the brunette began to chant, "89, 89, 89, 89..."
Hears one... its just an average blonde joke.
There was a brunette standing along side a busy road chanting "88, 88, 88, 88..."
A blonde came up to her and said, "That looks like fun, can I try?"
The brunette said, "Sure."
So the blonde chanted, "88, 88, 88, 88.."
"Well," said the brunette, "that is fun. But what is even more fun is if you say it in the middle of the street."
So the blonde said, "OK." and stood in the middle of the street. "88, 88, 88, 88-" BAM! she was run over by a car, completely flattened.
Along the side of the road, the brunette began to chant, "89, 89, 89, 89..."
MKC Showcattle
Well-known member
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
LostFarmer
Well-known member
How is a brunette like the quarter in the urinal?
Everyone knows they are there but they never get picked up when anyone is looking.
Everyone knows they are there but they never get picked up when anyone is looking.
Angusboy
Well-known member
Hey IN2cattle nice profile picture! 
haha
hahafed_champions
Well-known member
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2010
- Messages
- 400
Four men decided to take the weekend to go fishing.
The first man says, "you wont believe what i had to promise my wife in order to go fishing today, i have to paint the entire house"
The second man says "thats nothin, i have to build a deck by the pool"
The third man says "i got you both beat, i have to remodel our entire kitchen"
The conversation goes on when they finally realized fred didnt say anything.
So they asked, how did u get out of the house? he says " well, i set my alarm for 530, i woke up, turned it off, then i turned to her and said, fishing or sex? she told me to be sure and wear a sweater"
The first man says, "you wont believe what i had to promise my wife in order to go fishing today, i have to paint the entire house"
The second man says "thats nothin, i have to build a deck by the pool"
The third man says "i got you both beat, i have to remodel our entire kitchen"
The conversation goes on when they finally realized fred didnt say anything.
So they asked, how did u get out of the house? he says " well, i set my alarm for 530, i woke up, turned it off, then i turned to her and said, fishing or sex? she told me to be sure and wear a sweater"
simmyman67
Well-known member
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2011
- Messages
- 698
Hahaha that's a good one
fed_champions
Well-known member
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2010
- Messages
- 400
An old man comes walking out of the store, when he comes across this blonde. Shes hysterical, and asks him if they sell batteries. He says, probably, why? She says well my car is locked and the batteries in my keys are out. He looks at her dumbfounded, takes the key from her hand and unlocks the car manually. HERES YOUR SIGN
Ohioteerchick
Well-known member
What did the doe say after she got shot?
That's the last time I'll walk out into a field for two bucks!
That's the last time I'll walk out into a field for two bucks!
CarleyE
Well-known member
What do you call two lesbians locked in a cupboard?
A Liquor Cabinet
A Liquor Cabinet
Shady Lane
Well-known member
The dean of admissions at a prestigious university's School of Agriculture was interviewing a prospective student...
"What do you plan to do with a degee in agricultural economics and finance?" the dean asked.
"I dream of making millions of dollars buying and trading cattle, like my father," the student replied.
The dean was obviously impressed... "Your father made millions of dollars buying and trading cattle?"
"No," replied the applicant... "But he always dreamed of it."
"What do you plan to do with a degee in agricultural economics and finance?" the dean asked.
"I dream of making millions of dollars buying and trading cattle, like my father," the student replied.
The dean was obviously impressed... "Your father made millions of dollars buying and trading cattle?"
"No," replied the applicant... "But he always dreamed of it."
kfacres
Well-known member
Shady Lane said:
sounds like somebody I know.
AAOK
Well-known member
The Blizzard and the Blonde
It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little Blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she shou...ld wait for a snow-plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow-plow went by and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow-plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions. After an hour had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snow-plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signalled for her to roll down her window. The snow-plow driver wanted to know if she was alright as she had been following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of her daddy's advice to follow a snow-plow when caught in a blizzard. The driver replied that it was OK with him and she could continue if she wanted, but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, and was going over to Sears next.
