Jenny said:
I do not post here very often but this little attitude you have here, Farwest, is making me laugh.
I have micromanaged my kids; they have been spyed on, checked on, grounded; phone, car, TV, computer privileges taken away....I do consider that all a very important part of my duty as a parent.
I believe it is very true that when the kid is out and paying his own bills, then they have the right and privilege to do what they want, but before that time comes, it is my right and privilege to guide and instruct them on how to be successful in their lives; and I believe in tough love. I am not a pushover by any means and you can just ask my kids.
In case you were wondering I have 7 of them.
3 bio kids.....the oldest is a software engineer (writes computer software), the next one is in his final semester of law school, and the next one is scheduled to take her MCATS in a couple of weeks (sure that a person as intelligent as you know what the MCATS are, but for those on this forum that are less informed....that is the test to get into medical school).
oddly enough, none of those three have ever been in any trouble anytime; so do not fit that scenerio that you give about the "hellraisers".
I am also privileged to have 4 adopted kids ages 13, 10, 9 and 6 and they are now living under the same hellish conditions that the oldest ones lived under........
hmmm, what are some of your accomplishments that you would attribute to the freedoms you have/had as a child living under someone's roof who pays the bills for you and does not require any accountability?
I've been reading this one for awhile now...
I don't agree with micromanaging kids. Especially by the time their in high school if they don't know right from there's nothing you can do...
I went to school with some kids that were the so called "good kids". Their parents were always managing their life, telling them what activities to be in, making them be in church twice a week, telling them who they could hang out with etc.... I saw more of those kids turn into potheads and college flunk outs because they didn't have mommy their to tell them what to do everyday. These are same kids that the parents looked down on the other kids in town because the other kids weren't as perfect as their own.
Meanwhile after 1 year away at college junior has flunked out because he never went to class and mommy and daddy's little angel comes home pregnant...
So many of the kids of the "helicopter" parents end up getting dangerously drunk and doing a lot of stupid stuff because they were never exposed to alcohol until they left the nest and they didn't know what to do...
I'm a firm believer that kids should be taught self reliance. Let them manage their own time and make their own money. It always amazes me to hear parents talk now that I'm older about all the things they try to manage for their kids... My parents never really knew where I was or how much money I had or anything like that. I never hit them up for any money, I wasn't getting brought home by the cops, got decent grades and never had to ask dad to do my chores. Got done with high school went to college, got my bachelors after 3.5 years and got a decent job.
The best way to keep your kids out of trouble when they're in high school. Don't give them things or money. Make them buy their own car, buy their gas and pay insurance. If you give them 0 money and only provide a roof and food on the table, your kids will be too damn busy working to have much free time to get in trouble. You don't stay out very late when you have to get up at 5 to do chores before you go to work or school that day. You don't drive around just for the helluva it when you're buying your own gas.
Its a double edged sword though...when you aren't controlling your childs money..it's hard to control them.
